You Might Be An Idiot

Inspired by my fellow commuters, I have composed this ( hopefully humorous ) list, in the style of Jeff Foxworthy.


Our world is complex. The things we need to do to get by are getting more complex everyday. Things like keeping track of time, being able to make exact change, the ability to read and understand a train schedule or roadmap. Modern society expects a lot from us.

Sometimes we're not up to the task. People who drive cars end up in traffic jams or in "accidents". People miss trains or airplanes. People get lost (even when they have a map). People get hurt and end up in the emergency room.

Studies show that many of the above situations are caused by idiots. The problem with idiots ... is that that don't know that they're idiots. That's about to change. Any one of us might be an idiot. You might be an idiot. The list below is provided to help you determine whether or not you're an idiot.


If you saw something on TV, and they said, "Don't try this at home", but you did anyway ... you might be an idiot.

If you never drive in the right lane on the expressway, even when the right lane is clear ... you might be an idiot.

If you frequently get into arguments, but you never seem to win them ... you might be an idiot.

If nothing, I mean nothing, ever turns out as you plan ... you might be an idiot.

If people frequently roll their eyes or sigh when you speak ... you might be an idiot.

If you think that because you saw someone else do it, it's ok for you to do it ... you might be an idiot.

If you think that you have a lot of problems that other people don't seem to have ... you might be an idiot.

If you think that all those other people are "luckier" than you ... you might be an idiot.

If something went wrong, and you think that you can fix it by just trying again ... you might be an idiot.

If you think that you always have to answer your cell phone, no matter where you are ( in a public restroom, paying for groceries, taking a left turn ) ... you might be an idiot.

If you think that those people who can hear your conversation aren't listening to it ... you might be an idiot.

If you think that those people don't mind ... you might be an idiot.

If you could easily walk there, but you drive anyway ... you might be an idiot.

If you spent a lot of money on your truck, jacking it up 3 feet and adding huge mud tires, but you drive it on the expressway everyday ... you might be an idiot.

If you think that everyone else is an idiot ... you might be an idiot.


If you think you might be an idiot, don't panic. There may be something you can do about it. Try some of these suggestions:

1. Try asking for help ... often. Try out phrases like, "do you know how to ..." or "what would you think if I told you ..." or "would you ...".
   
2. Slow down. Try doing just one thing at a time. You might be good at things one-at-a-time.
   
3. Stop talking. Try listening to other people. They might have clues about how to avoid messing up.